Why we’re angry, dear Rosie…

Dear Ms. Rosie O’Donnell:

More than a week passed since we last chatted, albeit one-sided, about autism advocacy. Our fans wish you roaring success with your upcoming performance, and hope you are well. If people read anything more recent about you, I think many would be alarmed by the outpouring of hate directed at you regarding your armchair diagnosis of Barron Trump. We needn’t add fuel to that fire. Instead, I’m offering insight as a fellow rights activist and (self) advocate.

If people are angered by your lack of credentials to offer a diagnosis, I think their anger is misplaced. If people dislike you because of your own open identity, we aren’t likely to solve homophobia in this blog post. More importantly, I’m not sure you – or anyone who flippantly diagnoses someone with autism – understands the real damage.

You betrayed us, Rosie.

Within the autism community, many of us struggle with implied, unwritten social cues. However, most of us grew up and learned about the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. Rosie, you broke that rule.

Spin your dialogue. Would you appreciate someone from the autism community saying another person was obviously gay because of how they look for thirty seconds? Even if that person’s experience and vigilance within the LGBTQ community would lend some credit to observations, is it anyone else’s right to out them as gay? If this approach is not okay with you, why is it okay for you to do something similar?

Hypervigilance with your own daughter’s autism diagnosis may lend you small credit, to recognize symptoms. Being good at computer work or mathematics makes someone autistic as much as (insert LGBTQ stereotype, here) makes someone gay. We fight hard to correct social misperceptions; please don’t add more misdirection.

We could presume you have nothing but benevolence towards a man and his family. Refresh my memory: is this the same man and his family whom you battled on Twitter during the Presidential Election this year? Do you doubt Barron Trump will have the absolute best medical care as the son of the United States President-Elect? Do you think you know better than a physician, Rosie? You act like you do.

…and that’s why people feel anger. May I offer a solution? Tweet how your intentions were born from compassion for a young person. Start a discussion about his father’s lack of understanding about autism, and the need for more openly autistic legislators and representatives. Share how you may have mourn(ed) Dakota’s lost potential following an autism diagnosis; we’ll understand and work through this very common grief with you. Invite more advocates to work with you, and stop making our advocacy work harder in 140 characters or less.

Let’s have tea next week, okay?

Be well and break a leg,

Dave Kot

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